holiday goodbye

Taking a holiday from writing.
I foresee coming back early/mid January, until then, this is goodbye.
We'll see if I come back earlier.

message on a snowflake

I said it once and I'll say it again.
I love snow.
It's such a beautiful thing.
What if you could write a message on a snowflake?
I just finished watching a video of someone doing just that.
What would your message be?

ripples in the water and why goodbyes are now harder

I feel like I'm a pond of water right now in the changing season. On the surface everything is calm and smooth, unchanged. But in its dark depths, there is a vigorous turmoil. Hugely agitated and anything but calm. Trying my best to put on a calm demeanor these days, but seriously who am I kidding. Underneath the surface, there's a disarray of emotions and thoughts.
Our experiences together have changed me. Each, like a raindrop falling into the pond, creates a ripple. It changes the pond, its composition will never be the same.
Gosh, I miss you already.

Why goodbyes are harder now
Each passing moment is an extra minute to reminisce on the past (though I hate doing this).
Why I'll miss you:
I'll miss my silly, awkward attempt to get your attention on that first day we met. Trying to be helpful to get you online on your laptop. Trying to navigate your Japanese Windows operating system and failing.
I'll miss our first real conversation when I was on the beanbag chair and you were on the black couch. Boy, was I nervous that time.
I'll miss the day that S.Keith took your seat and you had to move to our pod.
I'll miss staring over my laptop screen and seeing you at the opposite end.
I'll miss our red carpet moment. Thanks for the autograph superstar!
I'll miss that day when I left the Me-to-We scarf on your chair as a gift. I knew you wanted to attend We Day, but that's the best I can do to help you feel as if you were a part of the event.
I'll miss the first time I awkwardly asked you out. Casually asked if you'd like to attend Nuit Blanche. I was ecstatic when you confirmed. I regret that I had to leave early, would've loved to stay longer that night.
I'll miss the night we went to J-Town, it was probably the first opportunity we got to talk more and get to know each other. It was also the first moment I knew I'll miss you once you're gone. I enjoyed browsing the Heisei Mart and sharing some of the snacks we bought. Highlight of the night was shopping at One's and then sharing the crazy scoops of gelato and mango mousse cake. It was also when I found out how much you love your sweets.
I'll miss the first time we had dinner together. That night was... memorable for all the wrong reasons -__-...
Embarrassed that I took you to the wrong direction. I don't understand it, each time I'm with you I lose my sense of direction. I swear I'm normally very good with keeping my direction.
Pantheon's food was excellent. But the rain kinda ruined the fun.
I'll miss the fireworks show we went to on the Cavalcade of Lights. Too bad we didn't do that interview ;)
I'll miss how silly you were that day you mixed up your interview dates. Having to wake up super early to realize it was supposed to be the next day instead.
I'll miss the time we ate at 3 Brewers. Sitting beside that patio window was very cold for my feet ...
I'll miss our first movie together as well. It was a great movie. The best part was when we both jumped when the snake went to attack. Hahaha, we were both so startled.
I'll miss our last dinner together (in Toronto) at o'noire. It was such a unique experience and I thoroughly enjoyed it (http://ideadrivr.blogspot.com/2010/12/blind.html).
I'll miss Montreal. Well, Montreal's Montreal. Our first trip together - it was epic!
You kept asking me why I take photos of you when you're not ready. You look perfect in every picture, and that's how I see you. You're beautiful in each one of them regardless, and it's more natural :b
I'll miss your quirky sense of humour, your silly, embarrassed smile. The face you make when you're upset.
I'll miss the time we spent together.

I'll miss you.

Epic adventure... the beginning

Okay, so I was supposed to be blogging throughout my trip to Montreal, but seriously, there was no time for that.
I've been using the words "whirlwind tour" to describe this trip. But a close second would be "dream tour".
It's very contrasting that even though we only spent a little over 12 hrs in Montreal, it felt like a lifetime to me. Not in the bad sense of the phrase but it really felt like I spent a large portion of my life there on that one day.
I began the journey at a friend's house recording audio clips for an upcoming event at church. Having a cough and a stuffy nose did not make this go smoothly but I'm glad that we finished the recording quickly.
9 pm: here I am on my way to Scarborough Town Centre
Walked around a bit and realize I should probably buy a pair of gloves for the trip, seeing that my right hand is completely bare when I put on my glove (lost the right glove one random day - unfortunately, I know).
Luckily for me the mall doesn't close until 9:30, which gave me a whole 30 minutes to walk around.
Great, my bus isn't due until 12:30 am: a whole three hours away.
Before I knew it, I was on the TTC 21-southbound bus to Kennedy. This is pathetic, taking a longer route to Kennedy station because of all the time I had to kill.
Pulling into Kennedy station, I realized that on a Saturday night, the buses run a lot quicker and thus I still had a lot of time to waste.
I channeled all my positive thinking into "But this is still good though, because I can get to stop by the bank for a bit and withdraw some emergency cash".
Making a pit stop at the CIBC at Bloor and Yonge meant I wasted another 20 mins or so.
By the time I arrived at the bus station it was 10:30 pm.
Caught some really broken wifi connection and surfed the Facebook on my iPod touch.
But spotty connections really puts a damper on browsing so I upped and went for a walk around the station.
Time really passes slowly when you're waiting.
Amazing that an angel dropped by to save me from some really horrible wait times.
She's simply stunning each time I look at her.
We waited patiently in line after I went and brushed my teeth. Our conversation led us to help me practice my Japanese. It was fun.
And so, our adventure began...

Epic adventure... the planning

Wow, stressing over the past three days in getting tickets and organizing this Montreal trip. Trying so hard to make sure things are perfect. Suddenly, it dawned on me that, it doesn't have to be perfect to be the perfect trip. Just enjoy the moment and the time spent.
So yea, the tickets still haven't been booked yet. Everything seems to be very spontaneous, just the way I'd like it. But there is still some stress over the randomness involved. I'm sure things will work out, will know in exactly 12 hrs!
Sorta practicing for Japan. There will be element of spontaneity and elements of planned fun. Just hope we don't encounter into trouble. Hope that my French isn't too rusty.

Wish me luck Harry.

Should leftovers be filed under "L" or "F" or food?

Funny thing happened in the office today.
A colleague and friend of mine, before his vacation, left a portion of his lunch in his filing cabinet. He occasionally does this with the intention of finishing the food for dinner. While I'm all for not wasting food, it's funny and somewhat ridiculous how the food has been left there for a few weeks without anyone discovering it. Only today, when the foul odour became out of hand did we investigate the origins.
I admire him for his diligence because he often stays past office hours to finish work and thus have the need to ration a portion of lunch into dinner, he's saving money and the environment at the same time! And being busy as he is, I can see how he might have forgotten about the food.
Heck, I've done that a few times myself.
The punchline is that there is a board meeting happening in the office today as well!
The natural laws of physics are working against us! Damn you diffusion!
Luckily though, they're safely sealed inside the board room, door closed with a small opening.
Today was a very fun way to start in the office. Now I'm working in a very relaxing chair in the foyer area to escape the foul odour - at least some good has come from this.

So really, should leftovers be filed under "L" or "F" for food?


PS. Oh... this could become a science experiment in the future! We should have kept the leftover food and see if it will evolve into a living organism in a few billion years. I think eventually it may grow feet.

Artist's depiction: Mutated take-out box of death

broken heaters and warm hearts

It's really cold out these days.
I really worry about the homeless when the weather's like this.
Currently, the heater's broken at my house, and I feel the agony of having to sleep in the cold. I know, what I experienced in the one night is nothing compared to these people. But this is where we step up to change the world. Regardless of how they got there, we should lend a helping hand in times like this.

Let's make this frigid season a little bit warmer.

I urge each one of you who reads this: each time you see a homeless person on the street, ask if they would like a warm cup of coffee or hot chocolate. If you're more well off than me (a broke university student), I implore you to, perhaps, purchase a small meal for them. A sandwich, a bowl of chili, a small wrap, anything.
Best to choose foods with lots of fat and carbohydrates with minimal processing. They should also have plenty of water. All these will help anyone stay warm this season.
Short of wearing more clothing, starting a fire or staying indoors (with climate control... ahem broken heaters -_-), food is the best way to stay warm.

hellos and goodbyes

Yesterday, I picked up my sister from the airport.
Airports are fascinating places to be in. I remember a quote from a TV show that speaks of how an airport is a facsimile of life with all the reunions and departures of loved ones. It's true. When I a passionate embrace of a young child with her older relative (maybe late 20's), I cannot think of a better expression of love and joy. The elation expressed on that child's face was simply inspiring. This welcoming of a loved one is likened to the arrival of a new life within a family. Everyone is overwhelmed with joy and relief, celebrating the a safe arrival of a (new) family member. Whether through birth, adoption, or reunion of a long-lost sibling/child, the same joyous note rings through the cacophony of emotions.
In the same building, just like on the same life journey, people are bidding farewell to those whom they love. There may be tears, good wishes, and many, many sorrowful goodbye kisses. Goodbyes are never easy, temporary or otherwise. The main reason for it being so hard to say goodbye is that you will never see that same person again. Time and its relentless clutches will grasp on to the one you love and drag them through experiences that will, invariably, change that person. Well, it's not cynical as it sounds. I'm just trying to say that things can never be the same. Once the moment's gone, it's gone. This is reminder for you, and for me, to seize the moment and don't let that special moment pass and live in regret.
Also, live in the present while looking onto the future.

I'm never good with goodbyes, do not look forward to sending a close friend of mine away shortly.

dreams, nightmares, truth and dare pt. 2

I had a very vivid dream last night.
I was volunteering at the children's hospital. The dream "started" with a short conversation with the child I was working with. It's kinda like that Inception concept where you never really quite remember how the dream started. As the conversation continued, I ended up asking him (I believe it was a young boy) what his dreams were. "I have always wants to ride on a magic carpet", he replied quietly and he continues after a slight pause, "But now I just want to get off". That line broken my heart and I woke up. Almost bursting into tears immediately. When I came to, I realized that last line meant he's lost control of his life and lost his childhood.
That short dream made me realized that I gotta cherish every moment and also give back to those less fortunate. That morning, I'm resolved to start volunteering at the children's hospital. The hospital that helped my family and I through one of the most trying periods of our lives in Toronto. The same hospital I've vowed to donate large sums to if I ever have the capacity to.
Truth is, we each have the power within us to give back to the community in such a meaningful way.
I challenge you to find an opportunity to do the same and go volunteer.

Until next time.

dreams, nightmares, truth and dare

We each have dreams.
If I had my way back when I was in kindergarten, I'd be either fighting fires or floating in space right now.
Dreams are very personal items. They are a reflection of our being, our very soul. Our dreams are kept closest and dearest to our hearts. Because of this, dreams are a portrait of the inner self. It is the manifestation of our desires, our qualities.
For example, from my childhood dreams you can tell I like to help people and I like to reach into ambitious heights. I still do.
It really defines us and molds us into who we are. This is the inside-out influence of who we are.
But as we grow up, culture, society, parents and other norms starts to be ingrained in us. Transforming our being and thus altering our dreams and aspirations. Sometimes disfiguring our dream, sometimes ameliorating it. This is the outside-in influence on who we are.
The beautiful, innocent, pure childhood dream (inner self-portrait) is often disfigured by responsibility and reality. Responsibility to self, to family. The reality that one can't have everything they want.
The nightmare begins.
Living the dreams of others or living a dream out of obligation to others is a painful thing.
Being brought up in a traditional Chinese family, I was always forced-fed the idea that I must become a successful professional that earns a boatload of money. In my earlier years, I'd go to my parents and tell them I wanted to be a firefighter, a policeman, an artist, etc. But each response I got was, "Those don't make money" or "they're not a suitable career for you". Occasionally I'd get the "Being the male of the household, I'd eventually have to support my parents along with my own (future) family". It's a lot of pressure. Soon I found myself giving up my dreams and pursuing dreams that were pushed down to me.
The horror of realizing things don't work out quite like how you envisioned is disheartening. The day I realized being a chess grandmaster doesn't quite pay the bills was also the day my love and passion for the game died.
The truth is, dreams can evolve and change, just as a person can change. I've learned to accept the morphed dreams. It's not bad, as long as you make the dreams your own. Now I view each experience I encounter as one step closer to my ultimate goal, my dream.
Yes, working in certain jobs is totally unrelated to being an architect or a marketing superstar but I know that eventually this path will take me to that destination.
I now issue an open challenge, a dare, to each one of you. Don't lose sight of what you're ultimate dream is. Each situation you're in (whether related to your dream or not), can be used to achieve your own dream.
Live for it but also be accountable to those you care about.
Never give up.
Ask for help when you need, because those who care about you will want to help you achieve your dreams.
Believe in yourself. Know you can make your dream a reality.
Never, NEVER give up.

Your dream in your own hands

A little video bonus:

birth, death and everything in between

Sorry folks, been working on two fairly long posts. Lots of background research and writing. I will be posting those live shortly.

Just going to post something short for today so I don't go MIA for too long.

I know many people who are searching for a meaning in life or life's purpose. It's way too complicated to sum up in one sentence. But I'll still try to summarize everything that happens in between birth and death. After a long time giving this some (read: a lot of) thought, I've come up with something equally complex as a summary. This concept is, in my opinion, involved in every stage of life and without it, life is meaningless.

Love

It pretty much fills all the gaps in life.

At the very beginning of our lives, in fact, before we even existed as a zygote, we are surrounded by love.

Tragic family stories aside, we are the culmination of our parents' love for each other. (Yes kids, that's where babies come from.)

As we grow in size and cognitive ability we learn to love certain things. I loved candies and sweets. I loved little or big toy robots and trucks.

Then came falling in love with a new home, Canada.

This beautiful piece of land is what I call home. Really fills me with patriotism and love for country upon hearing the national anthem or seeing my country's flag.

Along the way to the present, there are numerous times I've encountered love. Be it love for achievement, love between siblings, friends.

Love is an essential part of life.
Be brave and start loving life.